Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable

Deputy FDA Commissioner Steve Hoyer makes a pretty good point.

Thank You, Kelly Williams-Bolar

Kelly Williams-Bolar lives in a sketchy neighborhood in Akron, Ohio.  She didn't want her daughters to attend the rough and poorly rated school in her neighborhood, she wanted them to attend a good school, which could offer them more opportunities and better prepare them for the future.  Luckily, there was a good school nearby, in the district where her father lived, and she used his address to enroll her daughters in a suburban Fairlawn Heights school five miles from their home. 

Kelly Williams-Bolar

Unfortunately, in Summit County, Ohio, it's a FELONY to give poor children a good education.  Kelly Williams-Bolar was convicted, sentenced, and served nine days in jail for falsifying documents.  She will be on probation for two years and still must perform 80 hours of community service.  She may lose her job as a special education assistant at Buchtel High School.

And let's talk about some other things she may lose, now that she's a Convicted Felon:

• The right to vote
• The right to bear arms
• The right to hold public office
• The right to travel abroad
• The right to government aid, such as grants, loans, section 8 housing, food stamps, etc.

 

Does that sound like justice?

 

Kelly Williams-Bolar is the type of parent that we should all strive to be.  Her dedication to her children and their education is commendable.  Her refusal to back down to those in authority when so much was at stake is an example of the kind of committed parenting that we should all be emulating.  Thank you, Ms. Williams-Bolar, for reminding us what it means, and what may be required of us, to be involved and dedicated parents.

We should all be questioning a system that provides a good education for children of the wealthy, a deficient education for children of the poor, and imprisons the parent who demands equality.

Arrested Developement

Has your kid ever done anything to piss you off?  Are traditional methods of discipline not really working out for you?  Maybe you should take a page from the Texas Legislature's Education Code and just have the unruly little punk arrested.  What's that?  Your kid's only six years old?  No problem!

In Texas, children as young as six years old are being ticketed and charged with class C misdemeanors.

"Disrupting class, using profanity, misbehaving on a school bus, student fights and truancy once meant a trip to the principal's office. Today, such misbehavior results in a Class C misdemeanor ticket and a trip to court for thousands of Texas students and their families each year."

Oh, right.  A trip to court for the families.  Doesn't that sound like fun?  Doesn't it make sense for a parent to have to miss a day at work to escort a first grader to court because he used profanity on the school bus?  Sounds like an opportunity for the kid to learn a few more choice words to me!

Critics of the practice point out that this disciplinary policy leads to larger numbers of high school dropouts, minorities and special education students are disproportionately singled out (Racism?  In Texas?  No!), and the practice stigmatizes young children as "behavior problems" and makes it more difficult for them to relate positively to school. 

Of course, there are two sides to every story.  If your kid was being spat on, choked, and pushed on the playground, wouldn't you expect someone to do something about it?

They Didn't Teach THAT When I Was In School! *

Thus far, this blog is being used as a divisive tool.  I see it as a forum for the superior amongst us to lambaste the rest of you.

But allow me to be genuine for just a moment.  We are all parents.  We are all human.  No matter what our differences may be, there are surely a few topics, beliefs, and moral truths that we can all rally behind.  Let us take this moment to come together, join hands, and agree:

ORAL SEX IS AN ABOMINATION!

Oh wait, I'm sorry, let me clarify that, lest I sound like a prude.  When I say that oral sex is an abomination, I don't mean when it takes place between consenting adults in the privacy of their own homes.  I guess I don't have a real problem with minors engaging in this behavior either.  You know, if you're a responsible teen and neither of you has any open sores...  Whatever it takes to avoid getting knocked up gets a thumbs up from me.  And I suppose the act need not be limited to your home...  Due to space limitations, I'll leave the list of acceptable locations to your imaginations.

When I say that oral sex is an abomination, I'm mostly referring to 

SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN PERFORMING ORAL SEX IN THEIR SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM WHILE THE TEACHER IS PRESENT.  

Apparently that's what's been going on at Markham Elementary School in Oakland, California.  In a separate incident in the same classroom, several students removed their clothing.  Possibly understandable in a preschool classroom, but second graders?  The teacher admits to being present during both of these incidents, but claims that he was unaware of what was going on.

That's believable.  There are probably, what, twenty, maybe thirty kids in that classroom?  Lots of noise, lots of activity, it's not like the teacher has eyes in the back of his head, for god's sake.  You can't watch everyone all the time.  And I'm sure it gets especially confusing once everyone's half naked.  Hard to keep track of all those penises, what's in whose mouth and etc.  As an educator, I'm sure you don't want to make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that two children are engaging in fellatio, when it's simply a case of one kid accidentally putting a sex organ into another kid's mouth.

Fellow parents, I think we can agree about how best to handle this situation.  I'm not actually going to spell it out for you, as that could very well be in violation of California Penal Code Section 404.6, but I think we're probably all on the same page here.

Eventually charges will be filed, names will be released, addresses will be Googled, and I'll be sure to post a map with a target over his house for you.  That's still legal, right?

*  I would've aced it.  Just sayin'.

Rhymes With Huck

Sue Your TV!

I hate being in the position of having to defend fast food, so before I do, let me just clarify exactly where I stand on this issue in general:  DON'T EAT FAST FOOD!  IT WILL KILL YOU!  And here's what it's doing to your kids, in case you didn't notice:

If your kid looks like this, you are abusive / neglectful.
OR, maybe it's not your fault at all.  Maybe you try to feed your kids healthful, well balanced meals, but they won't let you.  Case in point:  Monet Parham, who along with the Center for Science in the Public Interest is suing McDonalds in an effort to get them to stop marketing toys to children.  She says, "I can tell them 'No' all day long, but then they see commercials that convince them you've really got to have this," and "I object to the fact that McDonald's is getting into my kids' heads without my permission and actually changing what my kids want to eat."  I've read several articles on this topic, and here's the one thing that nobody else seems to be saying:

STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS WATCH TV!

McDonald's isn't getting into your kids head without your permission.  You're letting your kid watch TV!  You decided to file a law suit instead of saying, "Turn off the TV and eat your broccoli!"  My four-year-old daughter has no idea what McDonalds is.  She watches programming that does NOT contain advertising, such as PBS programming and Netflix Watch Instantly.  She generally watches under 5 hours a week and NEVER EVER SEES A COMMERCIAL.  Not only does she not bug me about wanting fast food, she also doesn't bug me about wanting expensive toys, sugary breakfast cereals, or Toyota Highlanders. 

You have to say "No" to your kids all the time, for all kinds of reasons.  It's not fun.  It's not easy.  It's a major part of the  job description, though.

And get real, people.  If you can't stand your ground when a six-year-old decides she wants to watch seven consecutive hours of lame TV or eat something that doesn't even taste very good, how on earth are you going to manage it when she's sixteen and interested in things that are legitimately awesome, like getting stoned and having sex with the cute new history teacher?

Boycott the Toyota Highlander!

Here's why:

Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you have to be a smart ass punk.

So on the one hand, you've got two parents who clearly love each other and enjoy each other's company, who are at least open to the option of interacting with their child, and who appear to be conscious of their carbon footprint.

And then we have the smart ass punk.  His parents may as well not even exist.  Oh, he needs them to buy big expensive unnecessary THINGS, of course, but otherwise they're completely superfluous.  I can only assume that they'd rather not talk to him.  I guess they're hoping that he'll learn about manners and respect while watching television.

Who is Toyota trying to appeal to?  Tweeners who make car buying decisions?  The McParents who let them?  You?

Just call me angel of the morning.