Time Magazine Interviews America's Stupidest Principal

According to this article, Jenks High School (Tulsa, Oklahoma) principal Mike Means doesn't think that his school should have to serve healthy food.  He apparently doesn't see what's wrong with deep fried potatoes masquerading as vegetables, fruit served swimming in corn syrup, and whole chocolate milk for lunch every day.

Yum!

Principal Means thinks that high school students need to "learn how to make choices on their own - without the government breathing down their gullet."  Excellent point!  That's why his school encourages students to choose which classes will best suit them, as well.  At Jenks High School, students may opt for Calculus or Blackjack.  They can study English Literature or read Playboy Magazine.  In lieu of study hall, students may choose to smoke on the corner or have sex in the parking lot.  That's how kids learn about the real world!

Kids have poor judgment and lack impulse control.  That's why we have to TEACH THEM to do the right thing.  If we give them the choice between healthy food and crappy food, they will learn that salt, fat, sugar, and MSG taste delicious!  If we give them a choice between two healthy foods, they will learn that eating well and feeling healthy make them smarter and more productive.  (And better looking!)  They will learn how simple and beneficial it is to make the RIGHT choices in the real world.

And the government isn't really going to be force-feeding anything to anyone, right?  Just not allowing you, Mike Means, to provide the poison that is killing our children.  They can still bring junk food from home, and many will, because many parents are ignorant and irresponsible, but please don't try to sabotage the hard work that the rest of us are doing!

Just for the record Mike, here are some Oklahoma statistics that you may not be aware of, even though Time Magazine apparently sees you as some sort of expert on the subject:

• In Tulsa County, 34% of 3rd to 5th graders are overweight.

• Fifteen percent of Oklahoma teenagers are considered severely overweight or obese - a 300% increase in the last 20 years.

• Half of adult Oklahomans are overweight, and one in five is obese.

Time Magazine asks, "Will kids eat the healthier stuff?"

I respond:  What the hell kid of stupid question is that?  They'll eat what we damn well give them or they'll go hungry.  Perhaps Principal Means should be seen but not heard at the lunch table.

You'll eat it and you'll like it, Punk!

Arrested Developement

Has your kid ever done anything to piss you off?  Are traditional methods of discipline not really working out for you?  Maybe you should take a page from the Texas Legislature's Education Code and just have the unruly little punk arrested.  What's that?  Your kid's only six years old?  No problem!

In Texas, children as young as six years old are being ticketed and charged with class C misdemeanors.

"Disrupting class, using profanity, misbehaving on a school bus, student fights and truancy once meant a trip to the principal's office. Today, such misbehavior results in a Class C misdemeanor ticket and a trip to court for thousands of Texas students and their families each year."

Oh, right.  A trip to court for the families.  Doesn't that sound like fun?  Doesn't it make sense for a parent to have to miss a day at work to escort a first grader to court because he used profanity on the school bus?  Sounds like an opportunity for the kid to learn a few more choice words to me!

Critics of the practice point out that this disciplinary policy leads to larger numbers of high school dropouts, minorities and special education students are disproportionately singled out (Racism?  In Texas?  No!), and the practice stigmatizes young children as "behavior problems" and makes it more difficult for them to relate positively to school. 

Of course, there are two sides to every story.  If your kid was being spat on, choked, and pushed on the playground, wouldn't you expect someone to do something about it?