Being a parent makes me more convinced of this than ever: If you don't want to be a parent, you shouldn't be.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
B is for Budget
Crisis averted, people! No need to march on Washington! Lay down your pitchforks and don your thinking caps. I need you to check my math.
As you may recall, an epic battle between good and evil has culminated with Speaker of the House John Boehner (below right) threatening to cut funding to NPR and PBS.
That is to say, Congress is debating the implementation of Sesame Street Death Panels. Scary stuff. I guess it has something to do with a budget crisis?
So I started thinking about how we might be able to save Elmo. President Obama's 2012 budget includes $451 million for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. That doesn't sound like so much. Perhaps we might trim a few benjamins from elsewhere in the budget?
Hey, I know, let's start with the House of Representatives! How much do you think their yearly budget is? I have no idea either. If you can find an actual dollar figure anywhere, please let me know. It's almost as if that information is being intentionally buried for some reason...
Oh well. Let's do the math:
223,500 That's the yearly salary for the Speaker of the House
+
386,800 That's the yearly salary for House Majority and Minority Leaders (193,400 x 2)
+
75,168,000 Yearly salary for the Representatives (174,000 x 432)
+
32,625,000 That's an "office expense account" for "computer and related services" (75,000 x 435)
+
1,502,490,000 Whoa! That's the staff. Each Rep has 22 aides making up to $156,848 a year. Oh, and that's a 2005 figure, by the way. (157,000 x 22 x 435)
Which all adds up to the spectacular and astounding figure of
Well, well. Looks like we started looking in just the right place! (Although honestly, I bet there are plenty of right places. That's part of what makes this whole Elmo de-funding plot so diabolical, don't you think?) Okay, time to trim the fat!
Hear me out for a moment: A recent study from Princeton University finds that money does buy happiness, "up to about $75,000 a year. The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness." Well, that sounds fair.
Let's pay each of our Representatives $75,000 a year. And since that number is the Big Happy, we'll pay each of the 5 aides (They're lucky I'm allotting them that many!) working for each Representative the same $75,000 a year. Computer and related services? Are you kidding me? I'll give each Rep $12,000 a year for "office expenses."
Hopefully they'll be able to survive on that, which still adds up to an over $200 million bill for the taxpayers. A small consolation may be the many perks they receive in the form of domestic and foreign travel expenses, Franklin Privileges, and, ahem, "outside employment income," which I'm sure doesn't involve anything illegal, immoral, or depraved.
So, let's see, how much money would we save... add that... carry the one...
So we could save $451 million by killing Elmo, OR we could make a few completely reasonable changes to the obscene amount of money that we're pouring into the House of Representatives and save ourselves $1.4 BILLION. I say we go ahead and fund the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and then with what's left over we can help fund all of the other child and family friendly services that are on the chopping block, such as
Yes, government is too big and spends too much money. But before we start cutting programs that aid the poorest and most helpless amongst us, let's try to identify some areas where money is being wasted without any benefit at all to the general population.
John Boehner gets a hard on every time he hears a child cry. Nothing illegal about that, exactly. But let's not let his disgusting kink destroy the fabric of our society, if at all possible.
Now, I wonder how much money we're wasting on the Senate?
You're next, motherfuckers.
As you may recall, an epic battle between good and evil has culminated with Speaker of the House John Boehner (below right) threatening to cut funding to NPR and PBS.
That is to say, Congress is debating the implementation of Sesame Street Death Panels. Scary stuff. I guess it has something to do with a budget crisis?
So I started thinking about how we might be able to save Elmo. President Obama's 2012 budget includes $451 million for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. That doesn't sound like so much. Perhaps we might trim a few benjamins from elsewhere in the budget?
Hey, I know, let's start with the House of Representatives! How much do you think their yearly budget is? I have no idea either. If you can find an actual dollar figure anywhere, please let me know. It's almost as if that information is being intentionally buried for some reason...
Oh well. Let's do the math:
223,500 That's the yearly salary for the Speaker of the House
+
386,800 That's the yearly salary for House Majority and Minority Leaders (193,400 x 2)
+
75,168,000 Yearly salary for the Representatives (174,000 x 432)
+
32,625,000 That's an "office expense account" for "computer and related services" (75,000 x 435)
+
1,502,490,000 Whoa! That's the staff. Each Rep has 22 aides making up to $156,848 a year. Oh, and that's a 2005 figure, by the way. (157,000 x 22 x 435)
Which all adds up to the spectacular and astounding figure of
$1,610,893,300
Well, well. Looks like we started looking in just the right place! (Although honestly, I bet there are plenty of right places. That's part of what makes this whole Elmo de-funding plot so diabolical, don't you think?) Okay, time to trim the fat!
Hear me out for a moment: A recent study from Princeton University finds that money does buy happiness, "up to about $75,000 a year. The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness." Well, that sounds fair.
Let's pay each of our Representatives $75,000 a year. And since that number is the Big Happy, we'll pay each of the 5 aides (They're lucky I'm allotting them that many!) working for each Representative the same $75,000 a year. Computer and related services? Are you kidding me? I'll give each Rep $12,000 a year for "office expenses."
Hopefully they'll be able to survive on that, which still adds up to an over $200 million bill for the taxpayers. A small consolation may be the many perks they receive in the form of domestic and foreign travel expenses, Franklin Privileges, and, ahem, "outside employment income," which I'm sure doesn't involve anything illegal, immoral, or depraved.
So, let's see, how much money would we save... add that... carry the one...
$1,409,923,300?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
So we could save $451 million by killing Elmo, OR we could make a few completely reasonable changes to the obscene amount of money that we're pouring into the House of Representatives and save ourselves $1.4 BILLION. I say we go ahead and fund the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and then with what's left over we can help fund all of the other child and family friendly services that are on the chopping block, such as
- Community Health Centers
- Food and health care assistance for pregnant woman, infants, and children
- Head Start preschool classes
- Financial aid for low and middle income college students
- Planned Parenthood
- Housing vouchers for veterans
Yes, government is too big and spends too much money. But before we start cutting programs that aid the poorest and most helpless amongst us, let's try to identify some areas where money is being wasted without any benefit at all to the general population.
John Boehner gets a hard on every time he hears a child cry. Nothing illegal about that, exactly. But let's not let his disgusting kink destroy the fabric of our society, if at all possible.
Now, I wonder how much money we're wasting on the Senate?
You're next, motherfuckers.
Friday, February 25, 2011
House of Representatives Votes to Cut Funding For PBS
 |
| Speaker of the House John Boehner (R) |
vs.
 |
| Elmo |
Monday, February 21, 2011
Kindercram This
In terms of academic performance, how would you describe your preschooler?
(A) Genius
(B) Reasonably intelligent
(C) Average
(D) Kind of dumb
The correct answer is (D) Kind of dumb.
How do I know? Because I know preschoolers. He'll scratch his ass and smell his finger, forget where he left his pants, and then start barking like a dog for no reason. Am I right? Idiots!
But you probably picked (A) or (B), didn't you? Because you love your child so much, and have so much faith in his abilities, and believe that there is a whole world of possibilities awaiting him. And one of the awesome things about being the parent of a preschooler is, you may be right! He's like an adorable little lottery ticket! This kid has as good a shot at winning a Nobel Prize as anybody else does.
And where do you plan to educate your potentially gifted child?
(A) Home school. I've got plenty of free time and an infinite wealth of knowledge and nothing better to do for the next thirteen years.
(B) A private school that will cost more per semester than my tuition at a state university, not adjusting for inflation.
(C) China.
(D) The Chicago Public School System!
If you picked (A) (B) or (C), then you should be in pretty good shape. If you picked (D), then you're shit out of luck.
That is, unless you can get your child into a "Selective Enrollment Program." CPS has 500 seats available for their "classical" and "gifted" kindergarten programs. Unfortunately that seems to be a pathetically small number, as there will be 3,337 gifted children entering the CPS system this fall. Your kid has a 15% chance of making it in, and the odds get even worse as he gets older. Only a 9% chance once he enters first grade - Some schools are rejecting students who score as high as the 98th percentile on entrance exams.
So how are you planning to help your potentially gifted child beat out all of those other snot-nosed morons for a coveted spot in the gifted kindergarten program? Why, KINDERCRAMMING, of course. All you have to do is pay a tutor upwards of $1000 for a kindercramming boot camp. Then you can pressure your kid into acing the written exam. Viola!
Aren't you just thrilled to have averted this crisis?!
(A) Yes! What a bargain! Where can I find a tutor?
(B) Yes! It's about time my four-year-old hunkered down and put his tiny little button nose to the grindstone! If he lived in India, he'd have a job rolling cigarettes for fifteen cents a day by now, for christ sake! He's lucky that all he has to do is study for a test!
(C) Wait, am I the only one who feels as though it's unethical to pressure a four-year-old into scoring well on a written exam?
(D) $1000?! Is this a fucking joke?!
Trick question - There is no correct answer. Unless you can figure out a way to completely restructure the Chicago Public School System in a way that makes it, you know, satisfactory. Because getting your kid the best possible education would be great, but providing the best possible education for all children should really be the goal, shouldn't it?
Can any parent, or any written test, really be capable of evaluating the future potential of a four-year-old child? Shouldn't we be teaching to them as though they're all gifted? When will we, as parents and as concerned citizens, finally stand up and demand some real educational reform?
Read to your children. Talk to them about current events. Take them to libraries, museums, and musical performances. Enroll them in art classes. With a little luck and a lot of hard work, maybe they'll live up to their potential in spite of the public school system.
(A) Genius
(B) Reasonably intelligent
(C) Average
(D) Kind of dumb
The correct answer is (D) Kind of dumb.
How do I know? Because I know preschoolers. He'll scratch his ass and smell his finger, forget where he left his pants, and then start barking like a dog for no reason. Am I right? Idiots!
But you probably picked (A) or (B), didn't you? Because you love your child so much, and have so much faith in his abilities, and believe that there is a whole world of possibilities awaiting him. And one of the awesome things about being the parent of a preschooler is, you may be right! He's like an adorable little lottery ticket! This kid has as good a shot at winning a Nobel Prize as anybody else does.
And where do you plan to educate your potentially gifted child?
(A) Home school. I've got plenty of free time and an infinite wealth of knowledge and nothing better to do for the next thirteen years.
(B) A private school that will cost more per semester than my tuition at a state university, not adjusting for inflation.
(C) China.
(D) The Chicago Public School System!
If you picked (A) (B) or (C), then you should be in pretty good shape. If you picked (D), then you're shit out of luck.
That is, unless you can get your child into a "Selective Enrollment Program." CPS has 500 seats available for their "classical" and "gifted" kindergarten programs. Unfortunately that seems to be a pathetically small number, as there will be 3,337 gifted children entering the CPS system this fall. Your kid has a 15% chance of making it in, and the odds get even worse as he gets older. Only a 9% chance once he enters first grade - Some schools are rejecting students who score as high as the 98th percentile on entrance exams.
So how are you planning to help your potentially gifted child beat out all of those other snot-nosed morons for a coveted spot in the gifted kindergarten program? Why, KINDERCRAMMING, of course. All you have to do is pay a tutor upwards of $1000 for a kindercramming boot camp. Then you can pressure your kid into acing the written exam. Viola!
Aren't you just thrilled to have averted this crisis?!
(A) Yes! What a bargain! Where can I find a tutor?
(B) Yes! It's about time my four-year-old hunkered down and put his tiny little button nose to the grindstone! If he lived in India, he'd have a job rolling cigarettes for fifteen cents a day by now, for christ sake! He's lucky that all he has to do is study for a test!
(C) Wait, am I the only one who feels as though it's unethical to pressure a four-year-old into scoring well on a written exam?
(D) $1000?! Is this a fucking joke?!
Trick question - There is no correct answer. Unless you can figure out a way to completely restructure the Chicago Public School System in a way that makes it, you know, satisfactory. Because getting your kid the best possible education would be great, but providing the best possible education for all children should really be the goal, shouldn't it?
Can any parent, or any written test, really be capable of evaluating the future potential of a four-year-old child? Shouldn't we be teaching to them as though they're all gifted? When will we, as parents and as concerned citizens, finally stand up and demand some real educational reform?
Read to your children. Talk to them about current events. Take them to libraries, museums, and musical performances. Enroll them in art classes. With a little luck and a lot of hard work, maybe they'll live up to their potential in spite of the public school system.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Louis C.K. is Hilarious
When comedian Louis C.K. talks about his kids, it's as though he's reading my mind and verbalizing my thoughts. I just saw Hilarious for the first time the other night, and I can't remember when I've laughed so hard - Pure genius! Please enjoy the following clip - Regrettably it cuts off abruptly at the end, but you should buy or borrow the movie and watch it in it's entirety anyway. NSFW, obviously.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Time Magazine Interviews America's Stupidest Principal
According to this article, Jenks High School (Tulsa, Oklahoma) principal Mike Means doesn't think that his school should have to serve healthy food. He apparently doesn't see what's wrong with deep fried potatoes masquerading as vegetables, fruit served swimming in corn syrup, and whole chocolate milk for lunch every day.
Principal Means thinks that high school students need to "learn how to make choices on their own - without the government breathing down their gullet." Excellent point! That's why his school encourages students to choose which classes will best suit them, as well. At Jenks High School, students may opt for Calculus or Blackjack. They can study English Literature or read Playboy Magazine. In lieu of study hall, students may choose to smoke on the corner or have sex in the parking lot. That's how kids learn about the real world!
Kids have poor judgment and lack impulse control. That's why we have to TEACH THEM to do the right thing. If we give them the choice between healthy food and crappy food, they will learn that salt, fat, sugar, and MSG taste delicious! If we give them a choice between two healthy foods, they will learn that eating well and feeling healthy make them smarter and more productive. (And better looking!) They will learn how simple and beneficial it is to make the RIGHT choices in the real world.
And the government isn't really going to be force-feeding anything to anyone, right? Just not allowing you, Mike Means, to provide the poison that is killing our children. They can still bring junk food from home, and many will, because many parents are ignorant and irresponsible, but please don't try to sabotage the hard work that the rest of us are doing!
Just for the record Mike, here are some Oklahoma statistics that you may not be aware of, even though Time Magazine apparently sees you as some sort of expert on the subject:
Time Magazine asks, "Will kids eat the healthier stuff?"
I respond: What the hell kid of stupid question is that? They'll eat what we damn well give them or they'll go hungry. Perhaps Principal Means should be seen but not heard at the lunch table.
 | ||||
| Yum! |
Principal Means thinks that high school students need to "learn how to make choices on their own - without the government breathing down their gullet." Excellent point! That's why his school encourages students to choose which classes will best suit them, as well. At Jenks High School, students may opt for Calculus or Blackjack. They can study English Literature or read Playboy Magazine. In lieu of study hall, students may choose to smoke on the corner or have sex in the parking lot. That's how kids learn about the real world!
Kids have poor judgment and lack impulse control. That's why we have to TEACH THEM to do the right thing. If we give them the choice between healthy food and crappy food, they will learn that salt, fat, sugar, and MSG taste delicious! If we give them a choice between two healthy foods, they will learn that eating well and feeling healthy make them smarter and more productive. (And better looking!) They will learn how simple and beneficial it is to make the RIGHT choices in the real world.
And the government isn't really going to be force-feeding anything to anyone, right? Just not allowing you, Mike Means, to provide the poison that is killing our children. They can still bring junk food from home, and many will, because many parents are ignorant and irresponsible, but please don't try to sabotage the hard work that the rest of us are doing!
Just for the record Mike, here are some Oklahoma statistics that you may not be aware of, even though Time Magazine apparently sees you as some sort of expert on the subject:
- In Tulsa County, 34% of 3rd to 5th graders are overweight.
- Fifteen percent of Oklahoma teenagers are considered severely overweight or obese - a 300% increase in the last 20 years.
- Half of adult Oklahomans are overweight, and one in five is obese.
Time Magazine asks, "Will kids eat the healthier stuff?"
I respond: What the hell kid of stupid question is that? They'll eat what we damn well give them or they'll go hungry. Perhaps Principal Means should be seen but not heard at the lunch table.
 |
| You'll eat it and you'll like it, Punk! |
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thank You, Kelly Williams-Bolar
Kelly Williams-Bolar lives in a sketchy neighborhood in Akron, Ohio. She didn't want her daughters to attend the rough and poorly rated school in her neighborhood, she wanted them to attend a good school, which could offer them more opportunities and better prepare them for the future. Luckily, there was a good school nearby, in the district where her father lived, and she used his address to enroll her daughters in a suburban Fairlawn Heights school five miles from their home.
Kelly Williams-Bolar
Unfortunately, in Summit County, Ohio, it's a FELONY to give poor children a good education. Kelly Williams-Bolar was convicted, sentenced, and served nine days in jail for falsifying documents. She will be on probation for two years and still must perform 80 hours of community service. She may lose her job as a special education assistant at Buchtel High School.
And let's talk about some other things she may lose, now that she's a Convicted Felon:
And let's talk about some other things she may lose, now that she's a Convicted Felon:
- The right to vote
- The right to bear arms
- The right to hold public office
- The right to travel abroad
- The right to government aid, such as grants, loans, section 8 housing, food stamps, etc.
Does that sound like justice?
Kelly Williams-Bolar is the type of parent that we should all strive to be. Her dedication to her children and their education is commendable. Her refusal to back down to those in authority when so much was at stake is an example of the kind of committed parenting that we should all be emulating. Thank you, Ms. Williams-Bolar, for reminding us what it means, and what may be required of us, to be involved and dedicated parents.
We should all be questioning a system that provides a good education for children of the wealthy, a deficient education for children of the poor, and imprisons the parent who demands equality.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Arrested Developement
Has your kid ever done anything to piss you off? Are traditional methods of discipline not really working out for you? Maybe you should take a page from the Texas Legislature's Education Code and just have the unruly little punk arrested. What's that? Your kid's only six years old? No problem!
In Texas, children as young as six years old are being ticketed and charged with class C misdemeanors.
"Disrupting class, using profanity, misbehaving on a school bus, student fights and truancy once meant a trip to the principal's office. Today, such misbehavior results in a Class C misdemeanor ticket and a trip to court for thousands of Texas students and their families each year."
Oh, right. A trip to court for the families. Doesn't that sound like fun? Doesn't it make sense for a parent to have to miss a day at work to escort a first grader to court because he used profanity on the school bus? Sounds like an opportunity for the kid to learn a few more choice words to me!
Critics of the practice point out that this disciplinary policy leads to larger numbers of high school dropouts, minorities and special education students are disproportionately singled out (Racism? In Texas? No!), and the practice stigmatizes young children as "behavior problems" and makes it more difficult for them to relate positively to school.
Of course, there are two sides to every story. If your kid was being spat on, choked, and pushed on the playground, wouldn't you expect someone to do something about it?
In Texas, children as young as six years old are being ticketed and charged with class C misdemeanors.
"Disrupting class, using profanity, misbehaving on a school bus, student fights and truancy once meant a trip to the principal's office. Today, such misbehavior results in a Class C misdemeanor ticket and a trip to court for thousands of Texas students and their families each year."
Oh, right. A trip to court for the families. Doesn't that sound like fun? Doesn't it make sense for a parent to have to miss a day at work to escort a first grader to court because he used profanity on the school bus? Sounds like an opportunity for the kid to learn a few more choice words to me!
Critics of the practice point out that this disciplinary policy leads to larger numbers of high school dropouts, minorities and special education students are disproportionately singled out (Racism? In Texas? No!), and the practice stigmatizes young children as "behavior problems" and makes it more difficult for them to relate positively to school.
Of course, there are two sides to every story. If your kid was being spat on, choked, and pushed on the playground, wouldn't you expect someone to do something about it?
Friday, January 21, 2011
They Didn't Teach THAT When I Was In School! *
Thus far, this blog is being used as a divisive tool. I see it as a forum for the superior amongst us to lambaste the rest of you.
But allow me to be genuine for just a moment. We are all parents. We are all human. No matter what our differences may be, there are surely a few topics, beliefs, and moral truths that we can all rally behind. Let us take this moment to come together, join hands, and agree:
ORAL SEX IS AN ABOMINATION!
Oh wait, I'm sorry, let me clarify that, lest I sound like a prude. When I say that oral sex is an abomination, I don't mean when it takes place between consenting adults in the privacy of their own homes. I guess I don't have a real problem with minors engaging in this behavior either. You know, if you're a responsible teen and neither of you has any open sores... Whatever it takes to avoid getting knocked up gets a thumbs up from me. And I suppose the act need not be limited to your home... Due to space limitations, I'll leave the list of acceptable locations to your imaginations.
When I say that oral sex is an abomination, I'm mostly referring to
SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN PERFORMING ORAL SEX IN THEIR SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM WHILE THE TEACHER IS PRESENT.
Apparently that's what's been going on at Markham Elementary School in Oakland, California. In a separate incident in the same classroom, several students removed their clothing. Possibly understandable in a preschool classroom, but second graders? The teacher admits to being present during both of these incidents, but claims that he was unaware of what was going on.
That's believable. There are probably, what, twenty, maybe thirty kids in that classroom? Lots of noise, lots of activity, it's not like the teacher has eyes in the back of his head, for god's sake. You can't watch everyone all the time. And I'm sure it gets especially confusing once everyone's half naked. Hard to keep track of all those penises, what's in whose mouth and etc. As an educator, I'm sure you don't want to make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that two children are engaging in fellatio, when it's simply a case of one kid accidentally putting a sex organ into another kid's mouth.
Fellow parents, I think we can agree about how best to handle this situation. I'm not actually going to spell it out for you, as that could very well be in violation of California Penal Code Section 404.6, but I think we're probably all on the same page here.
Eventually charges will be filed, names will be released, addresses will be Googled, and I'll be sure to post a map with a target over his house for you. That's still legal, right?
* I would've aced it. Just sayin'.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sue Your TV!
I hate being in the position of having to defend fast food, so before I do, let me just clarify exactly where I stand on this issue in general: DON'T EAT FAST FOOD! IT WILL KILL YOU! And here's what it's doing to your kids, in case you didn't notice:
If your kid looks like this, you are abusive / neglectful.
OR, maybe it's not your fault at all. Maybe you try to feed your kids healthful, well balanced meals, but they won't let you. Case in point: Monet Parham, who along with the Center for Science in the Public Interest is suing McDonalds in an effort to get them to stop marketing toys to children. She says, "I can tell them 'No' all day long, but then they see commercials that convince them you've really got to have this," and "I object to the fact that McDonald's is getting into my kids' heads without my permission and actually changing what my kids want to eat." I've read several articles on this topic, and here's the one thing that nobody else seems to be saying:
You have to say "No" to your kids all the time, for all kinds of reasons. It's not fun. It's not easy. It's a major part of the job description, though.
And get real, people. If you can't stand your ground when a six-year-old decides she wants to watch seven consecutive hours of lame TV or eat something that doesn't even taste very good, how on earth are you going to manage it when she's sixteen and interested in things that are legitimately awesome, like getting stoned and having sex with the cute new history teacher?
If your kid looks like this, you are abusive / neglectful.
OR, maybe it's not your fault at all. Maybe you try to feed your kids healthful, well balanced meals, but they won't let you. Case in point: Monet Parham, who along with the Center for Science in the Public Interest is suing McDonalds in an effort to get them to stop marketing toys to children. She says, "I can tell them 'No' all day long, but then they see commercials that convince them you've really got to have this," and "I object to the fact that McDonald's is getting into my kids' heads without my permission and actually changing what my kids want to eat." I've read several articles on this topic, and here's the one thing that nobody else seems to be saying:
STOP LETTING YOUR KIDS WATCH TV!
McDonald's isn't getting into your kids head without your permission. You're letting your kid watch TV! You decided to file a law suit instead of saying, "Turn off the TV and eat your broccoli!" My four-year-old daughter has no idea what McDonalds is. She watches programming that does NOT contain advertising, such as PBS programming and Netflix Watch Instantly. She generally watches under 5 hours a week and NEVER EVER SEES A COMMERCIAL. Not only does she not bug me about wanting fast food, she also doesn't bug me about wanting expensive toys, sugary breakfast cereals, or Toyota Highlanders.
And get real, people. If you can't stand your ground when a six-year-old decides she wants to watch seven consecutive hours of lame TV or eat something that doesn't even taste very good, how on earth are you going to manage it when she's sixteen and interested in things that are legitimately awesome, like getting stoned and having sex with the cute new history teacher?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Boycott the Toyota Highlander!
Here's why:
Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you have to be a smart ass punk.
So on the one hand, you've got two parents who clearly love each other and enjoy each other's company, who are at least open to the option of interacting with their child, and who appear to be conscious of their carbon footprint.
And then we have the smart ass punk. His parents may as well not even exist. Oh, he needs them to buy big expensive unnecessary THINGS, of course, but otherwise they're completely superfluous. I can only assume that they'd rather not talk to him. I guess they're hoping that he'll learn about manners and respect while watching television.
Who is Toyota trying to appeal to? Tweeners who make car buying decisions? The McParents who let them? You?
Just call me angel of the morning.
Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you have to be a smart ass punk.
So on the one hand, you've got two parents who clearly love each other and enjoy each other's company, who are at least open to the option of interacting with their child, and who appear to be conscious of their carbon footprint.
And then we have the smart ass punk. His parents may as well not even exist. Oh, he needs them to buy big expensive unnecessary THINGS, of course, but otherwise they're completely superfluous. I can only assume that they'd rather not talk to him. I guess they're hoping that he'll learn about manners and respect while watching television.
Who is Toyota trying to appeal to? Tweeners who make car buying decisions? The McParents who let them? You?
Just call me angel of the morning.
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